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No Time Like the Presents/Transcript
Hank Yarbo: Oh, oh, man. Something woke me up earlier this morning. Lacey Burrows: They should have daylight savings in this province. Davis Quinton: Nah, it's better for the farmers this way. Hank: Yeah, I'm with Lacey. Do that spring back, fall forward thing. Lacey: No, it's spring forward, fall back. Hank: But then you're right back where you started. Davis: You go an hour ahead in the spring, so, spring ahead, fall forward. Lacey: No, then you'd just be going forward. Hank: Yeah, that's the idea. Lacey: You have to go back in the fall. Hank: Back fall, spring back? Davis: Now you're getting it. Lacey: No wonder this hasn't caught on there. It's obviously too complicated. Hank: OK, let's walk her through this again. Davis: This time, focus. Brent (phone): Hello. Hank (phone): Where are you? I need gas. Brent (phone): It's eight in the morning. Hank (phone): Nine by my watch. I'm on daylight savings time now. Brent (phone): Well, your daylight savings time is cutting into my Brent likes sleeping time. Hank (phone): It's awesome. It's lighter at night, you save on electricity, you know, win-win. Brent (phone): No, win-win implies that both side win. This is more like win-annoy. Hank (phone): I'm not annoyed. I mean, I can't get gas but...hey, you should switch over, stop living in the past. Brent (phone): How about instead, I buy you breakfast? And in exchange, you never phone me before work again. Hank (phone): Deal. Brent (phone): Hmm. Hank (phone): What time? Brent (phone): In an hour. Hank (phone): So, now? Wanda Dollard: Hey, guys. This is my cousin, Nora. She's just passing through town on her way to B.C. Oh, this is my friend Davis, and this is my friend Karen and this is Lacey. Karen Pelly: Hi, how are you? Wanda: Well, I should show Nora the rest of Dog River. It should be the most exciting three minutes of her life. All: Ha, ha, ha, ha. Wanda: OK, well, see you later guys. C'mon. Lacey: That was weird. Davis: Yeah, who names their kid Nora? Lacey: No, she introduced Davis as a friend and you as a friend and me just as Lacey. Karen: That is weird. Davis and Wanda aren't friends. Davis: We're no? Lacey: And why wouldn't she introduce me as her friend? You know? Davis: Maybe you're not Wanda's friend. I just found out I'm not. Karen: I'm sure it's nothing. She probably didn't feel the need to spell it out, that's all. Lacey: Ah yeah, you're probably right. Wanda and I are friends. Davis: Yeah. It's either that or she really doesn't like you and now you're embarrassed because you've been lying to yourself about the friends you've made here. But it's probably Karen's thing. Emma Leroy: Well, it's done. Oscar Leroy: It better be. What's done? Emma: My Christmas shopping. Oscar: Christmas? It's July, woman! Emma: Well, I wanted to get a jump on it. Remember last year? Emma: It's the 24th and I haven't started shopping. Oscar: It's the 24th of September, woman. Emma: Yeah, but I wanted to get a jump on it. Remember last year? Emma: It's Christmas Day and I haven't bought a thing. Brent: We just opened our gifts. Emma: No, I mean for next year. Oscar: At least wait until September, woman. Oscar: I don't know why you bother. Last year, all you got people were crappy socks. Emma: That's because I left it too late. Hank: Hey, thought we were meeting for breakfast at ten? Brent: Ten my time. What'd you think? Hank: I was over there at ten your time. Brent: I meant ten your time. What'd you think? Hank: I think you should just avoid confusion and just move ahead an hour like me. Wanda: You're ahead an hour? What's the future like? Do I get replaced by a robot? Brent: How do we know you're not already a robot? Wanda: It's ridiculous. Foolish human. I mean... Hank: Robots don't replace us, they enslave us. Wanda: So, Brent's a robot. Hank: You guys really don't understand this daylight savings time, do you? Oscar: Hey, coppers. Wanna know what you're getting for Christmas? Karen: A promise you'll never call us coppers again? Oscar: Emma's done all her Christmas shopping. Ten bucks and I'll tell you what you got. Davis: I don't have ten bucks. I can lend you my nightstick for a couple days. Karen: Just don't hit anyone with it. Oscar: I can't promise that. Davis: Just don't hit us with it. Oscar: OK. You're getting oven mitts. Davis: That's it? Karen: What am I getting? Oscar: Is this your nightstick? Davis: But I already have oven mitts. Oscar: Not my problem, ow. Does this leave any kind of mark? Karen: I'll let you wear my hat for the rest of the week. Oscar: Deal! You're getting one of those things that hook over your shower head to hold your shampoo bottles. Karen: That sucks. Davis: That is pretty bad. Karen: Better than oven mitts. Davis: I don't think so. Oscar: Geez, you got a big head! Wanda: Brent's not here. Lacey: No biggie. So what if both my Corner Gas friends aren't around. Right? Wanda: Mmm-hmm. Lacey: So you agree, both of us are friends? Wanda: Why, who said you and Brent weren't friends? Lacey: No, some people weren't sure if you and I were friends. Can you believe it? Wanda: Man, Japan is way ahead of us in robot technology. Lacey: Totally. Anyway, what would you say to those people, who think we're not friends? Wanda: Same thing as you probably. Damn! We should at least have a robot that pumps gas. Lacey: Yeah, so I'll talk to you later, friend. Davis: Oh, Emma, what a surprise. Emma: What, that my doorbell rang when you pressed it? Davis: No, I was just walking by when I thought "maybe Emma would like some extra casserole." Emma: Oh, so you were walking around with a casserole. Davis: Well, I had to cool it off. It was very hot. No, no that I could tell, wearing these amazing oven mitts. Which I already own. Emma: Well, it does look good. Davis: Yes, and these oven mitts are good too. Emma: Ah, they look a little worn if you ask me. Davis: Ah, you wanna see worn? You should see my TV. Sure could use a new one of those. Big screen, plasma, maybe. Well, see you later. Emma: Don't I get the casserole? Davis: Oh, I guess. Emma: Oh. Hank: Hey, what's the lunch special? Lacey: BLT and fries, but I don't start serving that until noon. Hank: But it's 12:30, oh, right, I forgot. I'm three hours ahead. Lacey: If you're on daylight savings time, you're only one hour ahead. Hank: Yeah, I know, but this morning I woke up at seven and couldn't get back to sleep. So, I moved my watch ahead two hours and got up at nine. And you know, I'll tell ya, it felt good to sleep in. Lacey: You know Hank, I try and stick up for you but you make it so hard. Hank: I appreciate the effort. Lacey: Category:Transcripts